adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want to fling myself into the sun
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
