I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
