Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
