Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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