Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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