my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
