I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
