Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
