well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
