i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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