well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
