oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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