I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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