I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
