It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
