if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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