I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
as a side note pls kill me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
