I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
