So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
