WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
