ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
