Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The air was thick with penises
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
