Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
