I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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