If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
