I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
