glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
