Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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