another moral hangover. fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
