Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
