On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
