there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
