I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
