I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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