you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
