dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
