I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
