it wasn't lemon gatorade
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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