the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
