i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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