You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
