You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
