if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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