i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
two words: eviction party
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
