There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
