I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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