there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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