i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
