There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
