Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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