Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
