Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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