did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
