she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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