i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.