my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
