Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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