Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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