hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
