My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
