You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
