absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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