I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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