So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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