After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
