i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I supernannyed him into submission
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