He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
