Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement