I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
