Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize