i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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