this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
